When you are needed the most

The cell phone rang about 8 p.m. last night. I always get nervous when I see one of my kids numbers come up later in the evening. It’s a mother thing. My kids don’t call me a whole lot so it’s scary to think something might have happened or had gone wrong.

Natalie was on the other end. She said “mom” I need to ask some advice from you. She asked if I remembered her friend Rhonda who was expecting. I answered yes. She said she had her baby girl and she was born weighing only 2lbs 9 oz. and has a rare chromosomal disease. The little girl is not expected to live. She also has a hole in her heart. Natalie and Brian were going up to the hospital to see the baby and Natalie was asking me how she should “be”, what she should say. Having been through losing a child, she figured I could help guide her as Rhonda will soon be faced with her little girls death. Natalie didn’t want to say the wrong things.

I told her that even though I have been there, it is still makes me feel like I want to throw up. I told her “less was more”. No words would ever be right or good. Just hug her, hold her, just be there.

The one thing I remember so vividly after Robbie died was my boss, Chuck and co-worker, Dewey coming to our house. They sat in silence in my living room that evening. Their presence was one thing that will remain stamped on my heart forever. They said nothing. They just came. It spoke volumes.

Today, at work Natalie called and said she felt so helpless and fragile today after seeing that tiny little baby lying in the ICU knowing she was not going to live. She said, mom, I don’t feel like I can function today. She started to cry. She said, mom, I don’t know how you made it day after day when Robbie died. She said it just broke her heart. I said yes, it makes you feel like you want to throw up.

I told her, the Lord puts us into a sense of shock that allows us to “do what we have to do”. I know deep in my heart, it was and still is His grace that has carried me along the path of grief.

It is times like this that I stop and think about why God allowed me to go through a tragedy such as losing my son. Then I stop and think about Dewey and Chuck and the purpose they served in my life back then. I know Natalie will impact Rhonda’s life as they did mine. God gives us experiences in life to help others, even when we feel like throwing up while we are doing it.